A few thoughts from the end of the world

I am finding that I am finishing the camino with more questions unanswered than when I started.  It has been an incomparable experience & one that I look forward to doing again.  There have been high and low points. I've realized that I have a new pet peeve.  I am about done hearing exclamations of self realization. 

I once watched a documentary where a man talks about his feelings towards going to church.  He says people go and share these profound moments of pure love and then they leave the church and return to normalcy and excuse their poor attitudes until the next Sunday.
Under all of these proclamations of joy and appreciation that I'm hearing day by day there is still a lot of complaining and negativity throughout the day as well.
My father says you will experience intense grief and joy equally in life. I wish people viewed the virtue of honesty the same way.   We must be honest about our lows as well as our highs.

I think if we spent a little less time bullshitting people about our humility and spent a little more time proactively creating positive outcomes for ourselves on and off the camino, we would all be better off.  Admit to pettiness,  I don't understand why it's so hard to say "Yes, I'm upset because of something ridiculous" .  No one is happy all the time, and sure everyone tells you it's best to say only nice things, but I find it incredibly dishonest when they are things you don't mean and when they are coming from social expectation & not your heart.
I'm no poster child of positive energy. I don't fake smiles when I'm whining like a little bitch on the inside. (Tom actually approached me and asked if I had a problem with him in the beginning because of how angry I can seem at times) but I am an open book.
The camino was hard for me.  I've taken busses, I've taken taxis, I've cried and I've nearly given up.
Many of my new friends have walked more of the kilometres than me but I'm ok with that.  Having steps left to take gives me an excuse to come back. My body couldn't have taken it this time. Training is no joke and I will prepare myself next time.  I could have elected to walk 15km days as I had the time but I find the camino community averages 25/day.  I maintained that for 90% of the camino, but would have never kept up  to my camino family if I didn't throw in the towel.
Being close to these people who are expressing themselves purely and honestly has become the best part of my personal road.
I try to say yes to every opportunity given to me here. I am trying my damnedest to experience every moment that I can.   I struggle with finding happiness in life but admitting to that leaves me far more open to finding it. It's not where I'm from, it's not who I'm with, it's not the #1stworldproblems that get me down at any given moment. I am 100% responsible for my own energy as are we all.
Throwing myself into this experience was one of the best choices I've ever made and I look forward to carrying a more spontaneous outlook on life forward. I sincerely hope that we all can take the camino back home and continue living with the energy we've found here .

Now someone come swim in the ocean with me lol